{"id":27394,"date":"2016-09-01T00:10:48","date_gmt":"2016-09-01T05:10:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/?p=27394"},"modified":"2023-09-22T10:26:17","modified_gmt":"2023-09-22T15:26:17","slug":"psychiatrists-letter-young-people-fifty-shades-grey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/psychiatrists-letter-young-people-fifty-shades-grey\/","title":{"rendered":"A Psychiatrist\u2019s Letter to Young People about Fifty Shades of Grey"},"content":{"rendered":"
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There\u2019s nothing grey about Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>. It\u2019s all black.<\/h3>\n

“Fifty Shades of Grey <\/em>is being released\u00a0for Valentine\u2019s Day, so you\u2019ll think it\u2019s a romance. Don\u2019t fall for it<\/em>.”
\nDr. Miriam Grossman.<\/p>\n

A\u00a0Psychiatrist\u2019s\u00a0Letter\u00a0to\u00a0Young\u00a0People\u00a0about\u00a0Fifty\u00a0Shades\u00a0of\u00a0Grey\u00a0<\/a><\/h2>\n

By Miriam\u00a0Grossman,\u00a0MD<\/strong><\/p>\n

{Many of you have asked that I provide my letter to young people as a PDF. Download A Letter to Young People About Fifty Shades of Grey here.<\/a>}<\/h5>\n

There\u2019s nothing grey about Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>. It\u2019s all black.
\nLet me explain.
\nI help people who are broken inside.\u00a0Unlike doctors who use x-rays or blood tests to determine why someone\u2019s in pain, the wounds I\u2019m interested in are hidden. I ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. That\u2019s how I discover why the person in front of me is \u201cbleeding\u201d.
\nYears of careful listening have taught me a lot. One thing I\u2019ve learned is that young people are utterly confused about love \u2013 finding it and keeping it. They make poor choices, and end up in lots of pain.
\nI don\u2019t want you to suffer like the people I see in my office, so I\u2019m warning you about a new movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. <\/em>Even if you don\u2019t see the film, its message is seeping into our culture, and\u00a0could plant some dangerous ideas in your head. Be prepared.
\nFifty Shades of Grey <\/em>is being released\u00a0for Valentine\u2019s Day, so you\u2019ll think it\u2019s a romance. Don\u2019t fall for it<\/em>. The movie is actually about a sick, dangerous relationship filled with physical and emotional abuse. It seems glamorous, because the actors are gorgeous, they have expensive cars and private planes, and Beyonce is singing. You might conclude that Christian and Ana are cool, and that even though their relationship is different, it\u2019s acceptable.
\nDon\u2019t allow yourself to be manipulated by a Hollywood studio. The people there just want your money; they have no concern whatsoever about you and your dreams.<\/p>\n

Abuse is not glamorous or cool. \u00a0It is never\u00a0OK, under\u00a0any circumstances.<\/strong><\/h4>\n

This is what you need to know about Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>: as a child, Christian Grey was terribly neglected. He is confused about love because he never experienced the real thing. In his mind, love is tangled up with bad feelings like pain and embarrassment. \u00a0Christian has pleasure from controlling and \u00a0hurting women in bizarre ways. Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christian\u2019s looks and wealth, and foolishly goes along with his desires.
\nIn the real world, this story would end badly, with Christian in jail, \u00a0and Ana in a shelter \u2013 or morgue. Or maybe Christian would continue beating Ana, and she\u2019d stay and suffer. Either way, their lives would most definitely not be a fairy tale. Trust me on this one.
\nAs a doctor, I\u2019m urging you: do NOT see Fifty Shades of Grey. Get informed, learn the facts, and explain to your friends why they shouldn\u2019t see it either.<\/p>\n

Here are a few of the dangerous ideas promoted by Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>:<\/h3>\n

1. Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.<\/h4>\n

No!<\/strong> A psychologically healthy woman avoids<\/em> pain. She wants to feel safe, respected and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about wedding gowns, not handcuffs.<\/p>\n

2. Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.<\/h4>\n

Wrong.<\/strong> A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself. \u00a0If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.<\/p>\n

3. Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.<\/h4>\n

Flawed logic<\/strong>. Sure, Anastasia had free choice \u2013 and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision.<\/p>\n

4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.<\/h4>\n

I doubt that<\/strong>. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgement. \u00a0Also, Anastasia becomes sexually active with Christian \u2013 her first experience ever \u2013 soon after meeting him. Neuroscience suggests their intimacy could jump start her feelings of attachment and trust, before she\u2019s certain he deserved them. \u00a0Sex is a powerful, intense experience \u2013 particularly the first time.\u00a0Finally, Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing a legal agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long time abuser.
\nAlcohol, sex, manipulation \u2013 hardly the ingredients of a thoughtful, detached decision.<\/p>\n

5. Christian\u2019s emotional problems are cured by Anastasia\u2019s love.<\/h4>\n

Only in a movie<\/strong>. In the real world, Christian wouldn\u2019t change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker.<\/p>\n

6. It\u2019s good to experiment with sexuality.<\/h4>\n

Maybe\u2026<\/strong> for adults in a long term, healthy, committed, monogomous relationship, AKA \u201cmarriage\u201d. \u00a0Otherwise, you\u2019re at high risk for STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault. It\u2019s wise to be very careful who you allow to get close to you, physically and emotionally, because just one encounter can throw you off track and change your life forever.
\nBottom line: the power of\u00a0Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>\u00a0lies in its ability to plant seeds of doubt. There are vast differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, but the movie blurs those differences, so you begin to wonder: what\u2019s healthy in a relationship? What\u2019s sick? There are so many shades of grey\u2026I\u2019m not sure.<\/em>
\nListen, it\u2019s your safety and future we\u2019re talking about here. There\u2019s no room for doubt; an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is unacceptable.
\nThis is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s nothing grey about Fifty Shades of Grey. It\u2019s all black. “Fifty Shades of Grey is being released\u00a0for Valentine\u2019s Day, so you\u2019ll think it\u2019s a romance. Don\u2019t fall for it.” Dr. Miriam Grossman. A\u00a0Psychiatrist\u2019s\u00a0Letter\u00a0to\u00a0Young\u00a0People\u00a0about\u00a0Fifty\u00a0Shades\u00a0of\u00a0Grey\u00a0 By Miriam\u00a0Grossman,\u00a0MD {Many of you have asked that I provide my letter to young people as a PDF. Download A Letter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23327,"featured_media":68000,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[59],"tags":[201,357,358,161,63,204],"translator":[],"blog-author":[78],"class_list":["post-27394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-kids","tag-lies","tag-movies","tag-pornography","tag-romance","tag-sex","blog-author-josh-mcdowell-ministry-team"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/607\/2022\/05\/skeptic2.jpg","meta_box":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27394","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23327"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27394"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27394\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/68000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27394"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27394"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27394"},{"taxonomy":"translator","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/translator?post=27394"},{"taxonomy":"blog-author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/blog-author?post=27394"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}