{"id":27407,"date":"2016-09-15T00:10:53","date_gmt":"2016-09-15T05:10:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/?p=27407"},"modified":"2025-07-25T13:54:16","modified_gmt":"2025-07-25T18:54:16","slug":"go-deep-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/go-deep-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cGo Deep\u201d with Your Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"
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“Being a dad is part art, part science, but mostly an act of faith.”<\/h3>\n

The research is in: Dads matter. And while you can’t choose your children’s future for them, your involvement and influence make a huge difference.<\/p>\n

How do you make sense of the paradoxes of fatherhood?<\/p>\n

Go deep. Get involved. Be dedicated to being the best Dad you can be for your kids.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo Deep\u201d with Your Kids<\/a><\/h2>\n

By\u00a0Carey Casey\u00a0<\/strong>for the National Center for Fathering<\/p>\n

Just about every week, there\u2019s another story in the news about some tragedy. A school shooting. A suicide or drug overdose by a celebrity, musician or athlete. An act of desperation or irresponsibility by a parent. Violence at youth sports.
\nWhenever I see those stories, the first thought that comes to mind is, Where were the fathers?\u00a0<\/em>A large percentage of the time, I look into the situation and see that there was a lack of influence from responsible fathers and father figures. I truly believe that a father makes a difference, and that his guidance, protection, and affirmation will help his kids do well in life and avoid major pitfalls. The research<\/a> backs that up.
\nThe rest of the cases\u2014the tragedies carried out by people who did have present fathers\u2014are perhaps even more unsettling.<\/p>\n

Time and again I knock my head up against one of the great mysteries of fatherhood<\/em><\/strong>: sometimes great dads have children who struggle, and sometimes children raised without a dad\u2014or raised by largely uninvolved fathers\u2014grow up to be well-adjusted, outstanding citizens and leaders.<\/h4>\n

Fatherhood isn\u2019t brain surgery, but it does rest on a wide range of variables. Being a dad is part art, part science, but mostly an act of faith. So how can we make sense of all of this and do our best as dads? My suggestion:<\/p>\n

Embrace both sides of the paradox<\/em><\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

On one side, there are no guarantees our children will turn out the way we want<\/em><\/strong>.<\/h4>\n

There are many variables we cannot control, and the biggest one is that our children will make their own choices. Eventually, we\u2019ll have to make peace with the notion that our kids are their own people. They will likely make decisions that could cost us money, energy and\/or embarrassment. They<\/em> are responsible for those poor choices, so it won\u2019t seem fair. We don\u2019t deserve that kind of humiliation, right?<\/p>\n

We need to father our kids with a lot of grace. Even if we\u2019re committed fathers, we aren\u2019t perfect, and since none of us can see we did everything right, we have no reason to expect perfection from our kids. And when they do mess up, that\u2019s where our true commitment as dads is tested. We need to hang in there and keep believing in them. Don\u2019t ever give up! No matter what your child has done, you have to trust that the roots that you worked so hard to establish are still there. Keep the door open and the light on because that might be the only light they have.<\/p>\n

The other side of the paradox\u2014which we must never forget\u2014is that as fathers, our actions do have a significant influence on our children<\/em><\/strong>.<\/h4>\n

While we can\u2019t guarantee that our children will lead a responsible life, we can greatly increase the odds that they will. We should give fathering the best of our energies, make our children\u2019s schedules and family activities a high priority, and seek to be a life-giving contributor to the entire household. These are wise investments.<\/p>\n

To be more specific, from our research, a dad can give his best for his kids by practicing the fundamentals of Championship Fathering<\/em>\u2014loving them, coaching them, and modeling for them.<\/p>\n

One phrase I have used to help apply those fundamentals is go deep<\/em>. Our dedication to be good fathers must run deep in our lives. It means we\u2019re willing to address tough issues with our kids. We are not sitting on the sidelines and letting Mom handle difficult situations by herself. And we aren\u2019t assuming our kids will get information they need on their own, or that we can always trust them to stay out of trouble.<\/p>\n

No, going deep means having those involved discussions about issues of faith, or about sex or drugs. It means staying aware of what they\u2019re into and talking to them about any danger signs we see. It means taking a stand and sometimes laying down consequences.<\/h4>\n

Dads, we have good reasons to invest our very best in our children, despite this puzzling, often frustrating mystery that only God can comprehend. We all need to faithfully apply our best efforts and humbly allow the rest to remain a mystery, trusting that we can have a positive impact on what kind of people our children turn out to be.<\/p>\n

Here are some Action Points to help you invest in your children<\/strong>. Please share some ideas of your own below or at our Facebook page<\/a>.<\/p>\n