{"id":28689,"date":"2016-08-31T00:10:57","date_gmt":"2016-08-31T05:10:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/?p=28689"},"modified":"2025-07-25T13:51:05","modified_gmt":"2025-07-25T18:51:05","slug":"premarital-sex-parental-reaction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/premarital-sex-parental-reaction\/","title":{"rendered":"Premarital Sex: How Should Christian Parents React?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Premarital Sex: Is it “old fashioned” to expect to wait for marriage?<\/h2>\n

Teri looked at her husband, Kenton, her face distraught. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Just minutes before, their daughter had dropped the bombshell that she and her college boyfriend were having sex. When her parents had voiced their disapproval, Renee had burst into tears and run from the room.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d Teri asked Kenton.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Kenton looked at his wife in surprise. \u201cDon\u2019t you mean what is Renee going to do? Keep sleeping with this guy or honor God\u2019s word on premarital sex, like we taught her!\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cBut if we push her too hard, we might end up losing her!\u201d Teri replied. \u201cShe says she loves him.\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Kenton put his hands on his hips, clearly angry. \u201cTeri, we have to take a united stand on this. It\u2019s wrong\u2014and you know it.\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Teri wrung her hands. \u201cBut if they do love each other, who are we to say they shouldn\u2019t at some point be together?\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Kenton\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cAre you saying that you think it\u2019s okay for them to sleep together, Teri, just because they think they\u2019re in love?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026if they eventually get married\u2026\u201d Teri blew out a haggard breath. \u201cYes, I guess so.\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Kenton\u00a0shook his head in disbelief. For years they had counseled Renee\u00a0to keep herself pure for marriage. Now Teri was waffling. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cTeri, our daughter is only a freshman. This guy might end up just being the first in a long line of college boyfriends. Are you going to be okay with her sleeping with each of them? What if she gets pregnant?\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Teri cringed at his words, but she couldn’t bear this conflict. \u201cI can\u2019t lose her, Kenton!\u201d <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Without waiting for his response, she ran\u00a0upstairs to console their daughter.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Which Parent is Showing True Love?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Let’s\u00a0take a closer look at the meaning of\u00a0\u201ctrue love.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

True love is other-focused. It looks out for the best interests of others. So a parent who truly loves his child is prepared to say, \u201cNo!\u201d to keep her from harm. That harm could be anything \u2014 from eating too many sweets, to not doing homework, to offering herself to being used by others.<\/span><\/p>\n

Teri and Kenton are not unlike a lot of parents whose children no longer share their values regarding premarital sex. For Renee, sleeping with her boyfriend is okay because they think they\u2019re in love. For Kenton, premarital sex is wrong because the Bible teaches it is wrong. <\/span>While Teri knows Kenton is right, her primary concern is that her daughter might pull away and strain their relationship. <\/span>Teri has bought into the idea of \u201cculture tolerance<\/a>.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Though she is a believer, Teri has been influenced by society to believe that to be a good parent, she needs to validate her daughter\u2019s lifestyle choices. <\/span>So Teri is willing to compromise, to keep their relationship intact. Perhaps Teri is banking on God’s unceasing grace; s<\/span>he\u00a0knows that God will never stop loving Renee, despite her sin.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

For his part, Kenton is angry. As the spiritual leader of his household, he likely feels the personal failure of his daughter making worldly choices. Despite his consistent guidance over the years, Renee is now rebelling against God \u2014 and him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On the surface, Teri\u2019s response appears to be the more loving approach, that she’s all in for her child. <\/span>On the other hand, society pushes the idea that Kenton\u2019s position is harsh and unloving. Part of his anger might be due to his fear that Renee will ask for further compromise. Perhaps next she\u2019ll drop the bombshell that she and her boyfriend have decided to live together.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cultural Tolerance Fails Our Kids<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Youth have been heavily influenced by the media \u2014 from TV commercials, to sitcoms, to movies, to computer games, to music \u2014 to view premarital sex as no big deal. So when Christian parents tell their kids that God wants them to wait for marriage, they’re confused. \u201cDad,\u201d they might say. \u201cThat was the norm back in the Dark Ages. Sex is okay now. Everybody’s doing it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But the Bible tells us that God doesn’t change his mind about sin. Nor is he surprised that “everybody’s doing it.” He has been watching human choose sin for a very long time. But just because society promotes a behavior as “okay” and “normal” and our “right,” doesn’t make it so.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

It is a tragedy when any of us lose sight of how sacred sex<\/a> is to God. We cheapen it with our sin.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

While society glorifies the pleasures of drinking and sex, it totally ignores the emotional and physical fall-out<\/a>\u00a0from doing both: disease, unplanned pregnancy, depression, and a host of other debilitating\u00a0issues. <\/span>It\u2019s like a drug pusher selling the highs of his products \u2014 while conveniently failing to mention that when the user hits rock bottom, it’s really gonna hurt.<\/span><\/p>\n

Part of our job as a parent (even when our kids go off to college), is to speak wisdom into their lives. We can help them to think through their choices, especially to see the possible consequences that await them. We also need to affirm God’s goodness. God doesn’t set limiting standards to ruin their fun, but to protect them from unnecessary pain and sorrow. Sin always separates us from God. When we allow sin in one area of our life, it gets easier to allow it into others. Loving parents will not silently allow this to happen.<\/p>\n

Hallmarks\u00a0of Real Love<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Real love doesn’t offer endorsement of sinful behaviors.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As A. W. Tozer<\/a> observed, \u201cWhen we become so tolerant that we lead people into mental fog and spiritual darkness, we are not acting like Christians \u2014 we are acting like cowards.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Was Teri being cowardly by compromising her Christian values? Perhaps. What is certain is that she taught her daughter that compromise of her Christian beliefs is acceptable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Like Teri, you likely feel the tug to accommodate your son or daughter’s lifestyle choices. Or you might feel hurt or angry, and want to lash out. <\/span>It’s a difficult balance, for sure, to be loving while also not appearing to endorse the sin. We might\u00a0fail at it. The best we can do is pray for God’s\u00a0wisdom and guidance. Be gentle in your disappointment<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let us also follow God’s directive in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” God is always working to draw us to him. Sometimes it takes a while for us to cooperate and get on board. Don’t give up hope. God never does.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Ponder This<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Discuss what it means to selflessly love with your family this week. Ask your family members for examples of when they thought you demonstrated real love, even though it meant you said no to what they wanted. Talk candidly about the downsides of premarital sex. Remind them that God totally gets our struggle with temptation. Remind them of God’s abundant grace, when we acknowledge our failures to Him.<\/span><\/p>\n

We all sin. We’re not to condemn others in their sin, as none of us is righteous. But we do have the freedom (and responsibility) to point out sin, to help lead each other back to righteousness. Jesus didn’t ignore sin. He acknowledged it, and lovingly told people to repent — for their good.<\/p>\n

Take the Samaritan woman, for example. Though Jesus didn’t condone her adultery, his response to her was kind, gentle, and loving. He saw the beauty and innate worth and dignity she held, because she was a child of God.<\/p>\n

\n

Jesus loved her as she was, but gave her a vision of who she could be, if she chose to live by God’s standards.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"premaritalThis blog post has been adapted from the book The Beauty of Intolerance<\/a>, by Josh and Sean McDowell.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Premarital Sex: Is it “old fashioned” to expect to wait for marriage? Teri looked at her husband, Kenton, her face distraught. Just minutes before, their daughter had dropped the bombshell that she and her college boyfriend were having sex. When her parents had voiced their disapproval, Renee had burst into tears and run from the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23327,"featured_media":63625,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"Premarital Sex: How Should Christian Parents React?","_seopress_titles_desc":"Many parents discover that their teens don't share their values on premarital sex, or understand why it benefits them to wait for marriage.","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[59],"tags":[367,368,175,369,204,227],"translator":[],"blog-author":[78],"class_list":["post-28689","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-compromise","tag-god-and-sex","tag-morality","tag-premarital-sex","tag-sex","tag-true-love","blog-author-josh-mcdowell-ministry-team"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/607\/2021\/11\/premarital-sex.jpg","meta_box":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28689","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23327"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28689"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28689\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":92537,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28689\/revisions\/92537"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/63625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28689"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28689"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28689"},{"taxonomy":"translator","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/translator?post=28689"},{"taxonomy":"blog-author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites-stage.josh.org\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/blog-author?post=28689"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}